Simple Pleasure of Life

The simple pleasures of life is
waking up early on a Saturday morning,
accompanying my mum to go to the market,
stocking up our fridge for the rest of the week.

You might think that I hate going to the market,
but it's at the market where you get to see interesting innovations,
you get to witness stall owners disappear into thin air when the DBKL comes,
most importantly, I get to spend time with my mum over breakfast.

The simple pleasures of life is
going for morning walks with my dad in the park,
I could choose a more vigorous workout by jogging,
but I love to follow the pace of my dad and spend time with him.

We talk about almost anything under the sun,
sometimes we joke about the people we see in the park,
sometimes we talk about life,
sometimes we just walk in silence, taking in the wonderful view of the park.

The simple pleasures of life is
disturbing my oldest brother as he plays DOTA,
making cringe worthy comments as he plays
while escaping the "punishments" as his game was more important.

No matter what game he plays,
I would have a comment that would irk him,
I would later face my sentence when the game is over
trying to run is futile and I would usually succumb to his vicious tickles and body slams.

The simple pleasures of life is
now just a memory in this far away place.
I still go for jogs and I still go to the market,
but bits and pieces of what I see, brings back memories of the good old times.

It thought me of the simple things in life
can bring about happiness,
It doesn't require a lot money
but just a grateful heart

Are you lonesome tonight?

I used to remember a time when I was still studying, I would imagine the future, when I have moved out of my parents house and being financially independent, imagine coming home to a quiet house, eating meals alone, watching TV alone; and that thought scared me. That need to be socially connected was so strong back then that I hated to dine alone in campus; that I would prefer to eat with somebody and not talk than to eat alone.

Today, I no longer have that fear. In fact, I love being alone and having some "me" time. To shut myself in my room, lay in bed all day, do the things I want to do, whenever I want to and go where ever I want to. I even started to catch movies in cinemas on my own too! That thought used to scare me too, but I enjoy watching a movie whenever I feel like it without having to consider other people's schedule. It comes with a perk too, I get to watch the movie with cheaper rates too since my schedule allows it. (Wednesday ftw!)  Weird thing about watching movies on weekday afternoon? The hall is almost empty. I think it's a little unusual here for people to go cinemas alone, coz the only other people who were in the hall with me were 2 other couples. Thank goodness for them or else it would have been awkward if I was the only one there, or maybe not...I could have put my legs on the seat in front..........just kidding. The Intern was a good movie. I like how humble the intern was even though he was a high and mighty VP during his glory days. Imagine being an intern doing all the mundane task like getting coffee, clearing desk etc. Not so sure someone with an impressive past would have brought himself down to the level to do that sort of thing. It taught me a lot about attitude and how you can be a blessing where ever you are. About simple random act of kindness can melt the coldest of hearts and just going the extra mile. I suppose hospitality teaches you all these things as well, but it has to come with passion.

So much has changed within the past year. I no longer join events only when other people joins them, but I join them because I want to and I'll go regardless if I go with a partner or not. If there is a partner then it's a bonus, but if not, I'm fine =) and I kinda like it that way.

Be a catalyst

It's been a while since I last posted something here. I've now got 2 blogs to manage and I just wanted to "pen" for dear future me to be able to read it.

Yesterday, I've decided to take a solo trip back to Ipoh to visit my grandma and grandpa each from different side of the family. Before heading off to the train station, I had breakfast with my dad. During breakfast, we were talking about the oil and gas industry and how much remuneration they offer for people who are willing to relocate. It was ALOT of money, and I was thinking what I would do after my 2 years as a teacher. Should I stay; earn less, or should I leave; earn more. The conversation drifted to how boring a job an oil and has company has, dealing with things/issues that I'm probably not interested in, and I said "I think my heart lies in the social sector" and my dad replied " In Malaysia, nobody takes care of the social workers. You would give and give and at the end of the day when you need help, nobody helps you. Other countries they acknowledge your contributions." To which I replied "Then we should fight for it!" And my dad said "Malaysia has not even provide us our basic need to food, clothing and shelter; what makes you think Malaysia would protect social needs which is higher on the Maslow's hierarchy of needs? If you want to do social work, get a job overseas where the country protects social rights and need, get a citizenship there and then u can do whatever you want." 

I understand where my dad is coming from. Who doesn't want their child to have greener pastures; and who doesn't want to have a better life for themselves too? But to me, why leave the country when your country needs you? Why contribute to other countries when your country needs you? Just as a parent who does not leave their child in difficult times, so we as fellow Malaysians shouldn't leave when Malaysia is having it's difficult times. 

Malaysia is already in a shitty place, and if all our local talent were to just leave, what would be left for Malaysia? Running away does not solve the problem, running away makes the problem worst. Going to a new country and getting a citizenship makes life easier for you, but what about the people back home? What about our future generations? And so I urge for all Malaysians to make a deliberate choice to stay, because Malaysia needs you; it needs changes, and with local talent abroad, how can we be the catalyst to change this nation? 

I'm weird

I'm weird, and I admit that. 

- I love the smell in the KLIA express trains. It reminds me of the trains I sat overseas

- I love walking though KLIA 2, coz it brings back nostalgic memories of when I first went on a semi-solo trip to Australia. I hold that trip very dear to my heart somehow. A very special place in my heart. 

- I enjoy visiting prisons, especially those which has been turned into museums. I like staring at the chambers, imagining what life was like for the inmates.

- I would love to visit an asylum museum one day, or maybe an abandoned one (during the day of course, don't want any creepy stuff happening) 

- I like ancient ruins. Something about the worn out building walls that makes it looks so enchanting 

- I enjoy museums, especially those which have historical past (like when murders or something happened in that particular place b4) call me a sadist if u wish..

- visiting hospitals is also something I find amusing, I could sit there quietly imagining all the self-made drama in my head. I probably don't like being the one on the bed but I just like to let my imagination run wild.

Because I want to share my ridiculously random thoughts

Random thought #1

Sometimes...no wait, all the time, when I enter into the bathroom and see the multiple mosquitoes and spiders hanging around in my toilet, I get the feeling that they get to enjoy the "show". What if they see things the way we do? Gone liao....let them see everything d.....jialat


Random thought #2

Just cause I'm a cikgu now, I somehow think like I'm suppose to be this big mama everywhere I go, coz I'm the boss in the classroom, I have so many subordinates. (More like I have so many masters to please) So when I go out and someone calls me adik, I would cringe. There was even once this makcik called me adik and I was like, I'm a cikgu. Who cares? I'm still an adik to her -.- I forget that sometimes. There were times when I go to stores too, and people calls me ah moi, I'll be like in my head "I'm a cikgu!!!". Then again, so what? He doesn't care, I'm still an Ah Moi, I forget that too sometimes. There were times I go to shopping complex and I see kids misbehaving, I would have this tendency to want to discipline them, but who am  I to do that, I'm not even their parents nor their teacher. Ah...this is what we call occupational sickness (direct translation from Chinese)  On the outside, I still look like a little girl no one would ever believe is a cikgu. It's a good thing ;)

Batu Niah + Long House

A long overdue post on my adventure to Batu Niah and the long house during the long weekend in May. It was definitely a memorable experience and I remember not bothering about school because I was so looking forward for the trip. Din't even cared about my pencerapan man! (Pencerapan is where other teachers come and observe your class and grade how well you teach in class) 

I could talk all about the things that went wrong during the trip, but then I could also talked about everything that went right that makes this trip such an adventure. You know the half cup full, half cup empty philosophy? Yea pretty much that. 

On the first day in Subis, (in which we were hosted gracefully by our collabs) we decided to hike Batu Niah. Unfortunately, that very morning, it started to pour and rain. We were all gathered at the entrance to Batu Niah but were unable to enter due to the weather. After waiting patiently for about 20 minutes, we decided that we shouldn't waste time waiting for the rain to stop and decided on an impromptu Plan B. We decided to drive to the long house, and from the long house hike up Batu Niah. We all went happily with our little cars, 2 Myvi's and 1 Axia. Little did we know the road up to the long house was a long and rocky one + it was raining heavily. Local drove up that hill using Hiluxes, and here we were with our tiny little cars, embarking up on a long and rocky journey. (Mind you, there wasnt't any tar road to be seen, just soil, mud and rocks the whole way up, the rain made it worst....really) On the journey up, one of the Myvi's broke down due to the rain and the over-stressing of the engine trying to hike up a slippery slope. The other car, Axia, has too low of a cc to drive up the slippery road, it got stuck in the mud at one point. Raining + 1 car broke down + 1 car stuck in the mud + God knows how long more a journey up to the longhouse. What to do? 

What I love about these bunch of friends is, they were all very flexible and good-natured about the whole situation. If TFM recruited us based on a very unusual rubric of flexibility, I think that is what we all have in common. No drama what-so-ever, we just parked the cars at the road side, thankful that a Hilux was on it's way up to the long house and were willing to give us a lift, hopped on the Hilux in the rain and went all the way up to the long house. 

Yup, that was me standing on the Hilux. How often do you get to ride on the back of a Hilux what more under the rain with a bunch of good friends? Probably once in a lifetime =) Credit goes to Kah Hoong for taking such an awesome picture even while driving and maneuvering his car over the slippery muddy land. We were singing at the top of our lungs, enjoying the rain and the bumpy ride til we reached the long house 15 - 20 minutes later. (And I initially thought we could just park the car at the road side and walk all the way up to the long house. Probably would have taken ages -.-)

                                       

So this is what the long houses look like. They aren't very ulu like we think they are. Look at that! They have Astro! 

                                                     

This is like their front lawn. We have to take out our shoes when we enter. Pretty normal and expected in Asian culture anyways.

 

And so there we are, look at all the happy faces as we ate our lunch at the long house. This long house also belongs to a student of one of our collabs. What you see in the picture is the Ruai of the long house. Something like a common area, where on festive event, everyone from the long house would congregate there and basically celebrate the occasion together. 

It was thanks to this guy that got the kids to trust us and bring us around the area. In the end the kids got really attached to us, asking us why weren't we spending the night with them and even wanting me to meet her baby brother, "trespassing" into her home. Her parents must be like "why you bring stranger home?" But well they were all really friendly. And so the kids brought us around the kampung to explore.

                                     

This is their backyard. And well teachers being teachers, of course we had to visit their school. Their primary school is just behind the long houses. Only 1 primary school to serve the whole community. The whole school only had 12 teachers. One class has around 6 students. The largest class has only 9 students. It's hilarious thinking that these kids cannot ponteng class. Coz their house is just behind the school, and they really have no where to go. attendance is 100% and I bet the excuse of "cikgu, saya tak bawa buku." doesn't apply here too. Just hurry on home and get it! 

                                       

The kids were also very eager to show us their wild boars. For this first time, we saw a babi hutan for real. Such hairy creatures they are, with big wet noses!

                                       

At the end of the day, it was time to go. So we took a group picture before we left. Look at how pretty the little girls are. They are really beautiful even at the tender age of 6 and 9. The one with the pink t-shirt wearing specs is my friend's student. I chose this picture coz I love how candid and colourful we all look. The girl in pink with her hand over my shoulders? Yea, she was the overly attached one. Didn't want to let me go, I had to pry her away, gave her a hug and said firmly "no, I have to go now".

The journey back down the hill was another adventure on it's own. Thank God for gentlemens, they all got transportation for us to be safely transported down the hill by a Hilux while they took care of the cars themselves. We girls were of course worried for them, but well it was plan that benefits most. Basically the cars got stuck on the way down as well, and thank God again for Hilux which helped to pull the cars out of the mud and they slowly made their way down to the foot of the hill to pick us girls up. The guy whose car broke down was totally gracious about the whole situation too, laughing it off that his car has to break down and apologized to everybody about the road conditions. It was awesome la, the whole experience. As night time falls, we all had pillow talks and played a few rounds of Avalon. Pretty interesting game =) We all really bonded through this experience. 

The next day, the weather was finally better, and this time we did what we came down to do. Hike Batu Niah. Woke up early in the morning and went hiking. RM 10 + RM 2 (pathetic boat ride -.-) The journey to the mouth of the cave was a scenic one. The cave itself was also rather scenic, though I must say that it really wasn't much. Like, just go there once, been there, done that and that would suffice. It wasn't very WOW. But of course if anyone from Semenanjung would like to come, I would be more than happy to bring you guys there! There are caveman paintings and all la, and if you are a scenic person, then yea, you can revel in the beauty of the cave. I actually enjoy just looking at the cave and imagining an action movie unravel before my imagination. 

Don't you think this is the sort of hole that Tomb Raider or Lara Croft would come jumping down? Magnificent...simply magnificent. When water drips down the opening, the view is fantastic as well.

There you go! another group picture to show that we have conquered another place. This was the end of the cave. We just sat there and rest, have some snacks before continuing our journey out of the cave. Pretty enjoyable 3 days 2 nights at Subis. Good friends + adventure makes a perfect getaway.

Till the next adventure. Adios!

*all credit for pictures goes to Kah Hoong who has such a wonderful camera and sacrificed himself so that all of us could be in the picture =P*

My 30 Day Challenge to a Healthier Lifestyle

I've not been leading a healthy lifestyle ever since I left home. I realized how important a role of a mother is in ensuring the health of her family, and my mom...well she did that really well. Though she didn't have to make me breakfast or cook every meal for us coz I can do that on my own, but the simple act of getting the groceries done has such a huge impact. So this is my vow in the coming month, to lead a healthy lifestyle starting 1st May as I've realized I've been eating alot of fast food in the recent months. No good....no good....


No fast food for a month.
No soft drinks.
Breakfast every morning. (have been skipping breakfast ever since I came here)
At least 7 hours sleep (With so many things to do, not sure if this is possible, but it's a challenge right?)
More fruits, in fact go for fruit detox
At least 1 litre of water a day. (Too little as compared to the standard requirement, but I've been drinking even less than that)
Have 3 proper meals. (This is a challenge -.-)

My heart broke today

After teaching for 3 months +, I've suddenly noticed that my form 3 kids are rather illiterate. How could I have missed this? I was their teacher for 3+ months and I didn't realize this.

I was heart broken because this one boy who was chinese educated, didn't know much malay, who tries to come to my class even when all his friends abandons my class, couldn't read malay. Not only couldn't read, but simple suku kata of words were alien to him. I tried pronouncing the words for him slowly, but he still couldn't get the word. I had no choice but to spell out the word for him one-by-one.

I was heart broken because the students who I once thought were alright in that class, turns out to be illiterate as well. They could express their thoughts, they know the answers, but couldn't write it down on paper.

I was heart broken because the girls, didn't want to think, one question shot at them and their shoulders would shoot right up with a simple answer "tak tahu". I said something which I regret, something I would hate if a teacher would have said that to me, it slipped my tongue. "Kamu ni pun tak tahu baca ke?"

I was heart broken because I wanted to help them, but I don't know how. I want to teach them the basics of Malay, but it's not my area of expertise. I want to teach them Malay but I'm their Civics teacher. I want to teach them Civics but they don't turn up for my class with the already little contact hours I have with them.

I'm heart broken because I am only one person. I want to give them personal attention but each time I attend to a student, another student calls out for my attention. There are times I feel like tearing myself into many parts to attend to the needs of each student. So much I want to do, but I'm only one person. I'm limited to the time I have, limited to the energy I have before I burn out.....again.

How did these kids turn out the way they did? Reflecting on my life, I'm grateful to have parents who has the financial capabilities to push me through school with the aid of tuition. I wasn't any better in Add Maths, I wasn't even good in Accounts, I was failing Chemistry but because my parents are able, I manage to pull through secondary school. Without tuition, I wouldn't have gotten the results I got today. Little things that are taken for granted when I was a kid, things which felt like a right instead of a privilege are magnified today as I teach. I'm grateful for what I have.

I used to dread presentations back when I was in Uni. Thinking of the duration that a whole group must present (30 minutes) used to scare the living day lights out of me. Like what on earth are u suppose to talk about?! 

30 minutes used to scare me.

Now 40 minutes is not enough. I yearn for more time to teach my kids all they need to know, having a constant race against the bell. 

Last time: 30 minutes per group of 4

Now: 40-80 minutes 1 person

No wonder being a teacher actually practices your presentation skills. Just another way of looking at it ;)

Sharing a conversation with one of the students in school, reminded me of why I joined the movement in the first place. Interesting how an innocent conversation like that could be such an inspiration and a timely reminder to an everly complaining teacher like myself.

Among the questions asked by this curious kid was "Teacher, why do you want to become a teacher?" "Teacher, why did you come to Miri and of all places get placed in this school? This school is the worst school in Miri you know?" 

And there at the school field overlooking the school we had a sharing moment on why I choose to become a teacher even though I have a Degree in Hotel Management, on my decision for choosing Miri when I could stay at Semenanjung, on how even this is the worst school in Miri, but yet I still salute the school for giving kids a chance in education and my believe that every child has good in them, that they just don't know how to express themselves in a better manner. 

One thing I regret not telling this kid is that, I would rather choose to teach in this school than any other performing school in Miri. 

This picture below are my olahraga kids :) some of them, to be honest I concluded were naughty kids the moment I saw them (talk about face problem :p) but being their guru penasihat, watching them train each day for MSS Miri, and subsequently bringing them to the stadium to compete, it has given me a new perspective towards my kids. Seeing them train overtime, feeling disappointed over a race and subsequently seeing them beam with joy as they win a medal helps me to see that these kids do have a passion for something and are self motivated to achieve that goal. (If only they share the same passion for their academics) but yea it shows these kids have passion, and I plan to ignite that passion in them for their academics. They are not so problematic, indifferent and people who does not care after all. They are just like me and you :) 

                                                 

Interesting..

A very interesting perspective I've obtained by talking to a fellow collab today... 

Can you be everyone's hero? 

Imagine there are 2 buildings on fire, and in each building there is a baby, which baby would you save? 

You save one. 

You cannot save everyone, but it doesn't mean that you won't try. You can't put all the responsibility on yourself.. and it doesn't mean no one would save the other baby. 

Same goes for the classroom. Many days we come out of the classroom feeling defeated, but that doesn't mean that we don't try. Even if a handful of kids are willing to learn, we will teach them. Even if they don't score in your subject, doesn't mean that they won't score in their other subjects..someone else will save them too. 

Inspired 

Emotions on a roller coaster

It's weird how my body goes through a series of emotions in just a few hours. One moment I would be really optimistic on things that goes on in school and the next I would be having self-doubt and uncertainties and wondering if I can do what I've set out to do; thinking of the students who disappoint me and thinking how I've disappointed myself by not giving my best. All these emotions all packed up and rolled up all within the school day...

I find it fascinating that I'm aware of these emotions, it either used to cease to exist or I haven't put myself in such hot soup to experience emotions like these before 

Nevertheless. I'm glad for today.. Though there were self doubts, somehow entering my class gives me energy, especially the class I had today. One class was the class that I used to stand in front of their class just staring at them to shut up, but today class control was alright. The gangster kid in class now gangster his friends to shut up and listen to me, he used to ponteng class, but now makes an effort to come. Another class was my Siviks Luar Sidang class. In which I remember my first day having class with them, only a handful turned up. Today I almost have a full class.. Almost.. But yea, celebrate the little successes..though I hate teaching from the syllabus, coz it's so boring and does nothing to improve a person but I know the syllabus is there for a reason. Seeing my kids giving me their full attention as you're saying something important to them brings a smile to my face. Yesterday's lesson was a meaningful one, and though not many turned up. I'm glad that those who did gave me their full attention as I was explaining how a persons action can affect the dignity of the whole family, we later talked about smoking, and my kids were rather participative and reflective. Hoping to win my kid's heart one-by-one :)

Going against the current

I admire people who have their own set of principles, people who challenge the status quo and going against the flow. To be able to stand tall and say "No" takes courage. So many loopholes in the system, and if we just follow the flow of the system, then what makes us any different than the teachers who are already in the system. It's a tough decision for me to make as I am the type that follows structure really well. Wish I had been the dare devil kid back in high school, then probably this decision wouldn't be an obstacle at all. People who are fearless and adaptable get my respect *salute* and though they are the "naughty" ones in school, they tend to be the more "successful" ones in the future especially in business coz of their dare to try attitude.

On  a hunt looking for that sweet spot outside of my comfort zone....

                                   

Sometimes, I think about my past work experience as an intern. I think of the transition from study life to work life. I used to hear people say that the transition was hard and a challenge to adapt to. I didn't understand until I went for my internship in Le Meridien, where I was constantly yelled at by my boss and kept on my toes all the time. My boss told me during my interview that if I can stand her, everything else would be peanuts. My colleagues told me, if I can stand her, nothing is impossible for me. I still remember the dreaded feelings I had when I go to work, mainly coz I was trying to adapt to my new environment.. 3 and a half months into the company and I still found it a challenge. Today I'm reminded of those feelings. Waking up and going to school sometimes feels challenging. With all the new responsibilities, duties, paperwork, lesson planning, syllabus and students can seem overwhelming; but somehow I don't picture myself going back to the corporate world. I don't know if I would change my mind in the future, but for now, I can't imagine going back to the corporate world. It's like all the uncertainties that I face now, I would rather have those as compared to having uncertainties in the corporate world coz I know I'm facing these challenges for a cause. Before entering the program, I knew that it was going to be hard, but what I didn't know was that it was going to be THIS hard, but I will persevere on for a good cause. Somehow knowing that end goal makes the challenges bearable. 

Today I tried something new in my most challenging class, for the first time, I had their attention and were listening to me. What surprise me the most was that the same method did not work so well with my better class kids :/ but I'm gonna celebrate the little success for my 3A and 3B class. Some people say that these kind of kids have no hope, but today I saw hope in them, and I hope I can change the view point of people too that all kids have the potential to learn and can excel. Every time I think of how difficult my kids are, I think of the people who works for Dignity, how teachers have to go into squatter homes where kids live in sad conditions, and are sometimes expose to sexual and physical abuse and drag them to come to school. Thinking of the kids they face and comparing it to mine.. Mine seems like nothing. 

Though for now I don't know if I'm making an impact at all, but at the end of the day I know for sure I'm coming out a different person. Hoping for a better and brighter tomorrow :)

I'm grateful for.....(2nd week into teaching)

3 things I'm grateful for today:
#1 sufficient rest, it's been some time since I had a full 8 hours of sleep. I was in a better mood to face my class.
#2 students actually turn up for class today during luar sidang, though still not satisfactory for some classes, but it's a start. Hoping to impact them one person at a time.
#3 Grateful that my 4C class are obedient students. I came out of that class feeling energized.


I'm also grateful for friends, reflecting back on my past few days. Thank you for all those gifts that came pouring in since last week Thursday =) little surprises that arrived on the day of my birthday and the small surprise party at home awaiting me on Saturday. Thank you for all who called/sms me to wish me Happy Birthday but ended up listening to me rant about my day. Unfortunaly birthday does not equal to having things your way day, but in fact in went totally up side down for me. I apologize if you have to hear/read my rant but I find that I feel better after ranting, and ranting helps me to think better and think objectively. Talking to people and expressing my feelings helps me to help myself and reflect.

[DISCLAIMER: STOP IF YOU DON"T WANNA READ RANTS]

So yea, here is my story...whether coincidentally or not, most of the classes that I teach are challenging. Some challenging in terms of behaviorally and academically while some are just challenging academically. I didn't think much about it to be honest, but having other teacher's pity me and looking at my timetable and say "ini nasib-lah" really got me thinking. So yea, I had a terrible Monday. It was really challenging since that was the first week where I finally started teaching. Disruptive students, students who challenge you, students who are disobedient you name it, i've got them all. 4 out of 5 classes, I felt like a failure. What lifted my spirit was that last PJK class, where though not many students turn up, but the students seem to like my presence, and they cheered me up with their bubbly energy. Seeing these kids smile made me smile. However, through the events of the day, I went home holding back tears. I felt like I don't know how to help these kids, I felt like I didn't do a good enough job, I felt like I could have done more to make class interesting. I felt like I was like the rest of the teacher where by right I should be the one bringing change. I felt so bogged down by the paperwork I had to do, imagining the amount of time I had to spend with every child i gave a demerit ticket to (100+ students), imagining if that were to happen, how am I going to do my lesson planning? All those thoughts and worries got me overwhelmed and tired. It's a challenging journey ahead indeed. So on that faithful Monday, I came home to a surprise bday gift from buttface which brightened up my day followed by a phone call from Marcus which was meant to wish me Happy Birthday but ended up hearing me rant, later that night, I got a whatsapp from my LG member giving me encouragement and prayer through whatsapp, all of which helped lifted my spirits. After chatting with numerous people, I felt better afterwards and it got me reflecting.

Everything happens for a reason. I am here placed in this school for a reason. It reminded me why I joined TFM in the first place and how I would rather be in a challenging school than in a performing school where life for me would be easier. I'm here coz if no one shows these students love and care then who will? Though my school is not a performing school, but I respect it for receiving all these students, giving them a chance to obtain an education. I personally don't like the idea of "buang sekolah" because if students di-buang sekolah, what sort of a future are we leaving our nation in? To me, nothing good comes out of students di-buang sekolah. This experience also taught me reflect on what sort of a vision do I have for my kids? It taught me that worrying/grumbling does not solve anything, but doing something would. You'll never know if you don't try, and even if it fails, just pick yourself up and try again. Not sure if I mentioned this before, but so many times we enter into situations thinking change would happen in a day/week; but after this week, through this experience and recalling what my seniors told me, "it takes a lot of trial and error" looks like change isn't going to happen overnight, but it's going to be a long journey of patience. perseverance and a dare to fail attitude. My emotions has been on a roller coaster ride, some days high some days low and it's always good to have some time to reflect on the day/week. I happen to do it today coz I finally got a breather =D Oh and the worst is yet to come. My school is going to have a new class, how this class is formed? Well they just extract all the challenging students from all classes across form 4 and put them all into one class so that there won't be any disruption in the other classes. Guess who their form teacher is? hahaha well it's yours truly ;)

I'm sort of liking the challenge that they throw at me, coz if I manage to bring their academic level up, it just proves that all students can learn...we'll see how it goes..

For now, toodles!

Love,
Mae

1st day of class

3 things I'm grateful for:

- The number of people who are concerned about me and texted/called me to ask about my day. 

- Helpful teachers or fellow colleagues who are so helpful in the midst of chaos.

- Students who are obedient but cheeky. At least they aren't gangsters.. or maybe the tail isn't out yet..

First day of school, suppose to have 5 classes but end up only going to 2 because 1 class had orientation, while the other 2 conveniently ponteng my class. Partly my fault for not urging them to come (or should I say threaten?) I could finally understand all the loopholes in the education system, I remember complaining about how teachers are incompetent, don't know how to speak English but teaching us Chemistry. It's the same now, and I feel like it's karma. I could understand why teachers are so unmotivated because the system suck out the joy of teaching. I not only have to deal with different classes of kids but also tackle the admin side of work. Still trying to adapt to my new environment and getting the groove of it. There are times I felt lost, there were times I wondered, what have I done to myself? There were times I felt so distant from the vision I once had. I suppose after today, I learn a valuable lesson myself. So many times we go into situations and we think we can change it in a day. That everything will go according to plan. We always have the perfect imagination in our heads don't we? But today taught me to persevere, to not give up and that good things do not happen overnight. It takes a lot of trial and error and the question is only "are you afraid to fall?". Learning from mistakes and picking yourself up. I've always been a person whose afraid to fall, but I suppose it's time to take those training wheels off the bicycle and challenge myself to greater heights. 

So I was told, to be grateful for 3 things in your life everyday and you will view life in a more positive perspective and not to compare your life against others who seem to be doing better than you. So today I'm grateful for:

1) A healthy body and a normal menstrual cycle
Seems something like I always take for granted and even complaint about sometimes, but these few days, talking to people and getting to know them better helps me to be grateful and appreciate the perfect health that I have. Menstrual pains, that I constantly complaint about, seems such a small problem when some people don't even have their period for 6 months. Seems like heaven and lucrative even that my friends don't have to go through such pain every month, but coming to think of it, it's not normal and it does affects your health as a whole. Many other complications comes when your body does not function "normally".

2) The luxurious choice of being alone, but never ever have to feel lonely.
Reflecting on my life, I've never been lonely. Regardless of where I go, I always have the company of friends and family with me; be it my internship in Langkawi, my trip to Australia and my 2 years fellowship now in Miri. Why I say it's a luxurious choice? Coz there are colleagues of mine who are placed in schools where they are sole rangers. They have no choice but to be alone, and they feel lonely. I on the other hand can have the choice to join social activities or choose to spend some alone time with myself...something I use to take for granted as well. I used to be so busy with activities that I crave alone time, but thinking about alone time for a long time seems like a road I don't want to walk down. I love spending time alone but I sure do not appreciate being lonely.

3) For supportive family and a Mum who teaches me so much
So little credit has been given to my mum and it was entirely my fault, so today I'm going to make that right. It's always so easy to focus on the bad side of people, that we forgot to highlight the good side of a person. Well my mum? She's pretty awesome, like how she makes sure your favourite dishes are on the table after you've been away from home for a long time. I know she always has me on her mind when she goes shopping overseas, maybe coz we spend alot of time shopping together ;), maybe coz we are girls and have more in common as compared to my brothers. It was my mom who taught me how to cook and trained me to do housework. I'm proud to say I can survive on my own not because I went to hotel school, but because my mum trained me well. Every dish that I cook here for my housemates are of my mum's training and none of it came from my training in hotel school nor my industrial training. My mum taught me selflessness through her actions. My mum is one of those mum who would be full when there isn't enough food on the table, would develop a love for a certain part of the fish when the whole family doesn't like that certain part, wouldn't feel hot on a sunny day so that we the children can enjoy the air-con at the back of the car. That's my mum. I don't only learn this or realize this now that I'm away from home, but I realized this long ago and practice it on the people who are placed under my care. I love others the way I love because of her. Sometimes not mentioning something doesn't mean I don't realize it. My mum is strict, and she doesn't exactly express her love in ways that the physical eye can see, and sometimes when we are not mature enough to see with our hearts, we think that other people's mum are better because they shower their kids with very physical love. My mum's tough love made me who I am today, though I would say with tough love comes with some scars along the way, but nevertheless it made me independent. I might not agree with everything my mother does but she is still the best mum I can ever ask for. Perhaps my mum and I are pretty similar. We never admit in front of others how good the other party is. People would praise me, and my mum would give all sorts of negative comments about me and likewise for me; but one day my mum secretly told me, "actually I'm proud of you when people praise you, but then I cannot say "yalor yalor" like bragging only so must say something to counter lo" Apart from that one time, my mum has never said that she was proud of me; through my PMR, SPM and the awards I win in high school. There were times I doubted if she was ever proud of me. I remembered she said it was such a waste that I took Hotel Management with the results that I got, and after 4 years of studying I'm now doing something totally different than the degree that I took. I remembered her saying how did I turn out like this, to want to do something like TFM, how she dislikes the fact that I would be going into rural schools, meeting "don't-know-what-sort-of -people" as she call it and asking why must I be the one to go, why not let other people do it. Even after all those questions, she still allows me to pursuit what I want to do, and not only allow but also by supporting me financially and sometimes emotionally too (which was so rare! of all my Uni years doing similar kinds of things she wasn't even THAT supportive, it was a waste of time back then to her -.-) Perhaps she has "given-up" on me, that I am old enough to make my own decisions. Though my mum did not explicitly express her pride in me, but I do see it in her when she tells my relatives "She's a teacher" with a smile. Maybe..just maybe..she is finally proud of me =) I love you mum!