Are you lonesome tonight?

I used to remember a time when I was still studying, I would imagine the future, when I have moved out of my parents house and being financially independent, imagine coming home to a quiet house, eating meals alone, watching TV alone; and that thought scared me. That need to be socially connected was so strong back then that I hated to dine alone in campus; that I would prefer to eat with somebody and not talk than to eat alone.

Today, I no longer have that fear. In fact, I love being alone and having some "me" time. To shut myself in my room, lay in bed all day, do the things I want to do, whenever I want to and go where ever I want to. I even started to catch movies in cinemas on my own too! That thought used to scare me too, but I enjoy watching a movie whenever I feel like it without having to consider other people's schedule. It comes with a perk too, I get to watch the movie with cheaper rates too since my schedule allows it. (Wednesday ftw!)  Weird thing about watching movies on weekday afternoon? The hall is almost empty. I think it's a little unusual here for people to go cinemas alone, coz the only other people who were in the hall with me were 2 other couples. Thank goodness for them or else it would have been awkward if I was the only one there, or maybe not...I could have put my legs on the seat in front..........just kidding. The Intern was a good movie. I like how humble the intern was even though he was a high and mighty VP during his glory days. Imagine being an intern doing all the mundane task like getting coffee, clearing desk etc. Not so sure someone with an impressive past would have brought himself down to the level to do that sort of thing. It taught me a lot about attitude and how you can be a blessing where ever you are. About simple random act of kindness can melt the coldest of hearts and just going the extra mile. I suppose hospitality teaches you all these things as well, but it has to come with passion.

So much has changed within the past year. I no longer join events only when other people joins them, but I join them because I want to and I'll go regardless if I go with a partner or not. If there is a partner then it's a bonus, but if not, I'm fine =) and I kinda like it that way.

Be a catalyst

It's been a while since I last posted something here. I've now got 2 blogs to manage and I just wanted to "pen" for dear future me to be able to read it.

Yesterday, I've decided to take a solo trip back to Ipoh to visit my grandma and grandpa each from different side of the family. Before heading off to the train station, I had breakfast with my dad. During breakfast, we were talking about the oil and gas industry and how much remuneration they offer for people who are willing to relocate. It was ALOT of money, and I was thinking what I would do after my 2 years as a teacher. Should I stay; earn less, or should I leave; earn more. The conversation drifted to how boring a job an oil and has company has, dealing with things/issues that I'm probably not interested in, and I said "I think my heart lies in the social sector" and my dad replied " In Malaysia, nobody takes care of the social workers. You would give and give and at the end of the day when you need help, nobody helps you. Other countries they acknowledge your contributions." To which I replied "Then we should fight for it!" And my dad said "Malaysia has not even provide us our basic need to food, clothing and shelter; what makes you think Malaysia would protect social needs which is higher on the Maslow's hierarchy of needs? If you want to do social work, get a job overseas where the country protects social rights and need, get a citizenship there and then u can do whatever you want." 

I understand where my dad is coming from. Who doesn't want their child to have greener pastures; and who doesn't want to have a better life for themselves too? But to me, why leave the country when your country needs you? Why contribute to other countries when your country needs you? Just as a parent who does not leave their child in difficult times, so we as fellow Malaysians shouldn't leave when Malaysia is having it's difficult times. 

Malaysia is already in a shitty place, and if all our local talent were to just leave, what would be left for Malaysia? Running away does not solve the problem, running away makes the problem worst. Going to a new country and getting a citizenship makes life easier for you, but what about the people back home? What about our future generations? And so I urge for all Malaysians to make a deliberate choice to stay, because Malaysia needs you; it needs changes, and with local talent abroad, how can we be the catalyst to change this nation? 

I'm weird

I'm weird, and I admit that. 

- I love the smell in the KLIA express trains. It reminds me of the trains I sat overseas

- I love walking though KLIA 2, coz it brings back nostalgic memories of when I first went on a semi-solo trip to Australia. I hold that trip very dear to my heart somehow. A very special place in my heart. 

- I enjoy visiting prisons, especially those which has been turned into museums. I like staring at the chambers, imagining what life was like for the inmates.

- I would love to visit an asylum museum one day, or maybe an abandoned one (during the day of course, don't want any creepy stuff happening) 

- I like ancient ruins. Something about the worn out building walls that makes it looks so enchanting 

- I enjoy museums, especially those which have historical past (like when murders or something happened in that particular place b4) call me a sadist if u wish..

- visiting hospitals is also something I find amusing, I could sit there quietly imagining all the self-made drama in my head. I probably don't like being the one on the bed but I just like to let my imagination run wild.

Because I want to share my ridiculously random thoughts

Random thought #1

Sometimes...no wait, all the time, when I enter into the bathroom and see the multiple mosquitoes and spiders hanging around in my toilet, I get the feeling that they get to enjoy the "show". What if they see things the way we do? Gone liao....let them see everything d.....jialat


Random thought #2

Just cause I'm a cikgu now, I somehow think like I'm suppose to be this big mama everywhere I go, coz I'm the boss in the classroom, I have so many subordinates. (More like I have so many masters to please) So when I go out and someone calls me adik, I would cringe. There was even once this makcik called me adik and I was like, I'm a cikgu. Who cares? I'm still an adik to her -.- I forget that sometimes. There were times when I go to stores too, and people calls me ah moi, I'll be like in my head "I'm a cikgu!!!". Then again, so what? He doesn't care, I'm still an Ah Moi, I forget that too sometimes. There were times I go to shopping complex and I see kids misbehaving, I would have this tendency to want to discipline them, but who am  I to do that, I'm not even their parents nor their teacher. Ah...this is what we call occupational sickness (direct translation from Chinese)  On the outside, I still look like a little girl no one would ever believe is a cikgu. It's a good thing ;)

Batu Niah + Long House

A long overdue post on my adventure to Batu Niah and the long house during the long weekend in May. It was definitely a memorable experience and I remember not bothering about school because I was so looking forward for the trip. Din't even cared about my pencerapan man! (Pencerapan is where other teachers come and observe your class and grade how well you teach in class) 

I could talk all about the things that went wrong during the trip, but then I could also talked about everything that went right that makes this trip such an adventure. You know the half cup full, half cup empty philosophy? Yea pretty much that. 

On the first day in Subis, (in which we were hosted gracefully by our collabs) we decided to hike Batu Niah. Unfortunately, that very morning, it started to pour and rain. We were all gathered at the entrance to Batu Niah but were unable to enter due to the weather. After waiting patiently for about 20 minutes, we decided that we shouldn't waste time waiting for the rain to stop and decided on an impromptu Plan B. We decided to drive to the long house, and from the long house hike up Batu Niah. We all went happily with our little cars, 2 Myvi's and 1 Axia. Little did we know the road up to the long house was a long and rocky one + it was raining heavily. Local drove up that hill using Hiluxes, and here we were with our tiny little cars, embarking up on a long and rocky journey. (Mind you, there wasnt't any tar road to be seen, just soil, mud and rocks the whole way up, the rain made it worst....really) On the journey up, one of the Myvi's broke down due to the rain and the over-stressing of the engine trying to hike up a slippery slope. The other car, Axia, has too low of a cc to drive up the slippery road, it got stuck in the mud at one point. Raining + 1 car broke down + 1 car stuck in the mud + God knows how long more a journey up to the longhouse. What to do? 

What I love about these bunch of friends is, they were all very flexible and good-natured about the whole situation. If TFM recruited us based on a very unusual rubric of flexibility, I think that is what we all have in common. No drama what-so-ever, we just parked the cars at the road side, thankful that a Hilux was on it's way up to the long house and were willing to give us a lift, hopped on the Hilux in the rain and went all the way up to the long house. 

Yup, that was me standing on the Hilux. How often do you get to ride on the back of a Hilux what more under the rain with a bunch of good friends? Probably once in a lifetime =) Credit goes to Kah Hoong for taking such an awesome picture even while driving and maneuvering his car over the slippery muddy land. We were singing at the top of our lungs, enjoying the rain and the bumpy ride til we reached the long house 15 - 20 minutes later. (And I initially thought we could just park the car at the road side and walk all the way up to the long house. Probably would have taken ages -.-)

                                       

So this is what the long houses look like. They aren't very ulu like we think they are. Look at that! They have Astro! 

                                                     

This is like their front lawn. We have to take out our shoes when we enter. Pretty normal and expected in Asian culture anyways.

 

And so there we are, look at all the happy faces as we ate our lunch at the long house. This long house also belongs to a student of one of our collabs. What you see in the picture is the Ruai of the long house. Something like a common area, where on festive event, everyone from the long house would congregate there and basically celebrate the occasion together. 

It was thanks to this guy that got the kids to trust us and bring us around the area. In the end the kids got really attached to us, asking us why weren't we spending the night with them and even wanting me to meet her baby brother, "trespassing" into her home. Her parents must be like "why you bring stranger home?" But well they were all really friendly. And so the kids brought us around the kampung to explore.

                                     

This is their backyard. And well teachers being teachers, of course we had to visit their school. Their primary school is just behind the long houses. Only 1 primary school to serve the whole community. The whole school only had 12 teachers. One class has around 6 students. The largest class has only 9 students. It's hilarious thinking that these kids cannot ponteng class. Coz their house is just behind the school, and they really have no where to go. attendance is 100% and I bet the excuse of "cikgu, saya tak bawa buku." doesn't apply here too. Just hurry on home and get it! 

                                       

The kids were also very eager to show us their wild boars. For this first time, we saw a babi hutan for real. Such hairy creatures they are, with big wet noses!

                                       

At the end of the day, it was time to go. So we took a group picture before we left. Look at how pretty the little girls are. They are really beautiful even at the tender age of 6 and 9. The one with the pink t-shirt wearing specs is my friend's student. I chose this picture coz I love how candid and colourful we all look. The girl in pink with her hand over my shoulders? Yea, she was the overly attached one. Didn't want to let me go, I had to pry her away, gave her a hug and said firmly "no, I have to go now".

The journey back down the hill was another adventure on it's own. Thank God for gentlemens, they all got transportation for us to be safely transported down the hill by a Hilux while they took care of the cars themselves. We girls were of course worried for them, but well it was plan that benefits most. Basically the cars got stuck on the way down as well, and thank God again for Hilux which helped to pull the cars out of the mud and they slowly made their way down to the foot of the hill to pick us girls up. The guy whose car broke down was totally gracious about the whole situation too, laughing it off that his car has to break down and apologized to everybody about the road conditions. It was awesome la, the whole experience. As night time falls, we all had pillow talks and played a few rounds of Avalon. Pretty interesting game =) We all really bonded through this experience. 

The next day, the weather was finally better, and this time we did what we came down to do. Hike Batu Niah. Woke up early in the morning and went hiking. RM 10 + RM 2 (pathetic boat ride -.-) The journey to the mouth of the cave was a scenic one. The cave itself was also rather scenic, though I must say that it really wasn't much. Like, just go there once, been there, done that and that would suffice. It wasn't very WOW. But of course if anyone from Semenanjung would like to come, I would be more than happy to bring you guys there! There are caveman paintings and all la, and if you are a scenic person, then yea, you can revel in the beauty of the cave. I actually enjoy just looking at the cave and imagining an action movie unravel before my imagination. 

Don't you think this is the sort of hole that Tomb Raider or Lara Croft would come jumping down? Magnificent...simply magnificent. When water drips down the opening, the view is fantastic as well.

There you go! another group picture to show that we have conquered another place. This was the end of the cave. We just sat there and rest, have some snacks before continuing our journey out of the cave. Pretty enjoyable 3 days 2 nights at Subis. Good friends + adventure makes a perfect getaway.

Till the next adventure. Adios!

*all credit for pictures goes to Kah Hoong who has such a wonderful camera and sacrificed himself so that all of us could be in the picture =P*

My 30 Day Challenge to a Healthier Lifestyle

I've not been leading a healthy lifestyle ever since I left home. I realized how important a role of a mother is in ensuring the health of her family, and my mom...well she did that really well. Though she didn't have to make me breakfast or cook every meal for us coz I can do that on my own, but the simple act of getting the groceries done has such a huge impact. So this is my vow in the coming month, to lead a healthy lifestyle starting 1st May as I've realized I've been eating alot of fast food in the recent months. No good....no good....


No fast food for a month.
No soft drinks.
Breakfast every morning. (have been skipping breakfast ever since I came here)
At least 7 hours sleep (With so many things to do, not sure if this is possible, but it's a challenge right?)
More fruits, in fact go for fruit detox
At least 1 litre of water a day. (Too little as compared to the standard requirement, but I've been drinking even less than that)
Have 3 proper meals. (This is a challenge -.-)

My heart broke today

After teaching for 3 months +, I've suddenly noticed that my form 3 kids are rather illiterate. How could I have missed this? I was their teacher for 3+ months and I didn't realize this.

I was heart broken because this one boy who was chinese educated, didn't know much malay, who tries to come to my class even when all his friends abandons my class, couldn't read malay. Not only couldn't read, but simple suku kata of words were alien to him. I tried pronouncing the words for him slowly, but he still couldn't get the word. I had no choice but to spell out the word for him one-by-one.

I was heart broken because the students who I once thought were alright in that class, turns out to be illiterate as well. They could express their thoughts, they know the answers, but couldn't write it down on paper.

I was heart broken because the girls, didn't want to think, one question shot at them and their shoulders would shoot right up with a simple answer "tak tahu". I said something which I regret, something I would hate if a teacher would have said that to me, it slipped my tongue. "Kamu ni pun tak tahu baca ke?"

I was heart broken because I wanted to help them, but I don't know how. I want to teach them the basics of Malay, but it's not my area of expertise. I want to teach them Malay but I'm their Civics teacher. I want to teach them Civics but they don't turn up for my class with the already little contact hours I have with them.

I'm heart broken because I am only one person. I want to give them personal attention but each time I attend to a student, another student calls out for my attention. There are times I feel like tearing myself into many parts to attend to the needs of each student. So much I want to do, but I'm only one person. I'm limited to the time I have, limited to the energy I have before I burn out.....again.

How did these kids turn out the way they did? Reflecting on my life, I'm grateful to have parents who has the financial capabilities to push me through school with the aid of tuition. I wasn't any better in Add Maths, I wasn't even good in Accounts, I was failing Chemistry but because my parents are able, I manage to pull through secondary school. Without tuition, I wouldn't have gotten the results I got today. Little things that are taken for granted when I was a kid, things which felt like a right instead of a privilege are magnified today as I teach. I'm grateful for what I have.