Words, I realized have weight. So often we spew out words in our daily conversations like its weightless. Until relationships starts to break down, that we have to cautiously weigh our words, as if the weight if the words previously spoken has suddenly decided to come and visit and now the weighing scale has to be introduced to weigh every single word to build instead of to destroy the already cracked relationship. 

Sometimes I think people who are slow to speak and quick to listen are the wisest people ;) 

I didn't shed a single tear. I must be heartless. I think it's because the ohm is gone especially when I keep getting distracted and all the emotions from the previous chapter were lost in transition -.- but nevertheless, i thought it was a good book that gave me a different perspective of looking at things.

“The marks humans leave are too often scars.”

I find this statement very true..and we often do want to leave a legacy, to leave a mark on this world, but then when you leave the world, you hurt so many people. What surprised me was the perspective Gus had viewed Hazel, that though she did not love widely, but she loved deeply and in that she hurt less people which is heroic in it's own way. 

“You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.”

And as quoted by Bob Marley " Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for"

“What a slut time is. She screws everybody.”

 Yes she does. Yes she does..

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Too often we live a life thinking that "death" is impossible, waking up the next day is an expectation and not a blessing to live another day. We avoid the topic of "death", avoid books/movies that talks about it; but unfortunately death is something we all got to face sooner or later, and if we knew our days were numbered, would we do certain things differently today? 

It's sad how loved ones are so shy and courteous around us, with every action which is expected from us is greeted with a thank you, or doing something on their own even though they are weak because they are shy to get us to do it for them...it hurts to see them being so courteous. 

On the other hand, it's sad how we take people for granted too.. Same task, but depending on different person, the willingness defers too.. Why are we so willing to do something for a stranger/ a friend, yet when our parents ask us to do it, we murmur or we don't do it at all? 

Cherish and appreciate your loved ones while you can.

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My grandparent came to KL for a visit yesterday, and this morning, we took them to the Kiara Park in Taman Tun. We didn't go there to exercise like we normally do, but we just went there to have a stroll. Taking my grandparents there and seeing them being fascinated by nature really made me realize how we take things around us for granted A LOT. We stood by the pond as they marveled at how many tortoise there were in the pond and how many fishes there were. And my mum laughed at their reaction and said "it's like when you were younger like that" and that brought me to realize how busy we are with our own fast paced life that we forgot to take a step back and admire the beauty of the things around us. And I don't 'blame' my grandparents for reacting that way, because I know if I were to stop and admire the beauty of the park, I would react the same way too. It's fun to sometimes observe kids when they are in the park. So carefree, fascinated by the simple things in life, chasing the pegeons, catching tadpoles, fascinated by the birds/monkeys in the park. Everything is new to them.. 

Of armpit hair and growing up

I remember in my younger days, I used to stare up at my dad's armpits, point and exclaim "yer! Dad! Your armpit got hair! So disgusting! Why men got armpit hair wan? Luckily we girls don't have, see? Mummy's one don't have" 

My mum tried to look innocent as my dad laughed but since I was searching for an answer, my mum had no choice but to answer me. "actually mummy also got, but I shave" Jeng Jeng Jeng... My world has fallen apart *drama queen* how could beautiful, dainty women have body hair??!! I cannot accept it. (I really felt that way that time, disappointed) 

And now, I'm all grown up. Mum and dad was right... And I always remember this small little episode when I do my womanly business ;) it's unfair how my second brother does not have armpit hair. He's a man! How come la I inherited more male genes? I'm suppose to be a girl T.T My brother and I should totally switch roles ;)

His days are numbered...

Milo's days are numbered...I can sense it. He is getting sick ever so often. Most of the time, we forget that dogs too have a life span and they don't live forever. I still remember 10 years ago when Milo, a stray then, came into our house to take refuge, he was sleeping behind our piano. He was so afraid that it took a lot of persuasion and coaxing to lure him out of his hiding place. he finally did and we gave him the name Milo cause we thought he looked like the dog in the movie "The Mask" (He turned out to be a little too big for the same dog in the movie) and now 10 years later, he is now 70 dog years old. It hurts to see him in pain, and now that he is sick, tends to manja with us when we are around, much to my surprise very much like humans beings too..

Little Milo came in as a puppy, and he likes to sit on our laps for some reason and would fit perfectly well then, and up til today when he is too huge for my little lap, he still somehow wants to try to fit his huge ass on our laps.

He soon became a teenage dog, he caught up real fast in age...I was in my teenage years too!

And soon after that, became a handsome dog with such character. 

Some of his famous acts includes barking at strangers ONLY when we are watching (otherwise he would sleep through his duty), squirrels literally dance and played in front of him while he slept, playing hide and seek around the car when we need to tie him up to reverse the car in the porch, posing for pictures only when there is food, greeting everyone else in the family except me (i'm his last resort), taking us for walks instead of us taking him for a walk and the list goes on...

But though he is cheeky, he is still a pretty much good dog. He could sense that you are angry and listen to your command, he wouldn't go beyond our front door to enter into house coz he knows he is not allowed to, He still manja with us especially when we sit with him and play with him after dinner, he plays fetch with us, and sometimes gives a big sigh when we kacau him when he sleeps.

It was a great 10 years living with this little mongrel, looking forward to return home everyday to see him though he sometimes doesn't really care to greet me =/ but yes, he was the best guard dog ever, somehow being home alone wasn't that scary because he is around, and perhaps maybe even how many crimes has been prevented because he was there.

Though I wish he could live a longer life or even life forever, but if he is called home to be with the Lord tomorrow or anywhere near in the future, then so be it. He has served his purpose on earth to have given us such joy, love and protection over these 10 years. He will be gone but never forgotten and will be dearly missed by us. He is not gone yet, but this is how I want to remember my cheeky and nonchalant dog. Right now all we can do is to comfort him and hopefully his misery wouldn't seem so bad.  

Just some random thoughts

Words, can be used to encourage but at the same time can also put a person down. Words are dangerous... But sometimes though words might hurt like a piercing knife but it could make you a better person, just like a scalpel a surgeon uses in surgery. After the surgery, the person gets better. 

I realized something about myself. Many a times where situations would require of me to say something, I would bite my tongue and hold back. Most of the time I sugar coat them, afraid I would hurt the other person, and of course would worry what would the other person think of me? But then again, I hurt people everyday in my daily conversations without even realizing... Its so contradicting, scared to hurt people yet hurting people everyday.. How frustrating. Sometimes it makes me wonder if things would be different if I voiced out my opinions when a person consults me for an opinion.. It takes courage to give constructive criticism, or maybe it's just me..I'm a softy at heart :/ some people could just whip it. 

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I have to admit, social media gets a bit addictive. There is this urge to constantly want to post something for the world to see. I felt that urge before, but i successfully suppressed it. Why I'm suddenly thinking of this? Well coz I caught myself envying people on social media, thinking of all the wonderful post that other people are posting on social media. Its no wonder why some people get depressed by going on social media because they keep comparing the lives of others to their own. I didnt get depressed, but I caught myself comparing their lives with my own. Pretty stupid huh? Yeah I thought so too. This was what I saw today while I stalked someone on Facebook. (yes I stalked this one because I was shocked by her transformation from our high school days and now she is a model.. Why so many people become model suddenly?) I saw some really gorgeous photos, she was/is really pretty and her make up really enhanced her beauty, and I was thinking how I would look like if I had that much make up on, would I look as stunning? And then I saw her other photos, of her leading a glamorous lifestyle with pretty clothes, cute guys, lavish restaurant, clubs etc. I couldn't help but to imagine all the drama that came with that (maybe there isn't any drama but heh stereotyping here :p) and this was where I caught myself. Photos on social media only highlights the good happy part of people's lives, but you don't know what they go though each day. Perhaps they have their own problems, but are those captured in the photos? Nope... And there people are comparing their lives to the lives of others on social media without considering the factor that these people on social media have their own set of problems too; and if I envied people on social media, I'm pretty sure there are others who also compare their lives to those on social media. Well the thing is to stop comparing and take a step back and appreciate the things that you already have. I'm pretty happy with what I have and am grateful for a loving family, wonderful friends from high school and Uni who always got my back :) and soon to be embarking on a meaningful journey of making a difference in the lives of teens. So.. Is the clubbing + lavish lifestyle something I would like? Would that make me any happier? Nah... I'm good living a "boring" life. It's only boring to the world afterall but its sure as hell happening to me!! Heh heh.. Sometime all it takes is to ask yourself a few questions.. Evaluate a bit and then you're fine :) Dont compare your lives with others as they too have their set of problems to face. 

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Please don't mind me, I'm too lazy to write in a diary, typing is much faster and the fonts are nicer ;) can't stand my own handwriting sometimes.. This is my therapy session where I release thoughts which are going on in my head. Hopefully one day I will look back and scoff at the things I write or maybe marvel at the maturity I have at a young age :p *wishful thinkings* 

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11:17pm 

Just read through some of my old postings.. My gosh, I was so childish -.-" didn't know I had a temper. From the way I portrayed it back then, I think I had the bitch face. So Hen Yu, you were wondering what a bitch face looked like? You've probably seen it years ago on my face ;) 

I'm having withdrawal symptoms frm Australia

I'm dedicating this post to 2 of my dear friends Mr. Hen and Mr. Lee. I believe these 2 individuals still faithfully reads my blog, but even if they don't; let the whole world know how awesome these 2 gentlemen are :) what they deserve are more than words but what I can do is only to show gratitude through my humble little blog. My dear friends, I sincerely apologize as I am not very good with words, but what is written here is from the bottom of my heart <3

Instead of blogging about my trip to Melbourne and Brisbane, I wanna blog about the people who showed me true hospitality and through their actions, inspired me to be a better person, not only in terms of their direct actions towards me but also through observing their communication and relationship with the people around them. It made me evaluate my life and go "if that ever happens to me, I wanna be like that!" you guys truly inspire me with your actions and the relationship you share with your families. 

First and foremost, thank you to the both of you for offering me your Limousine to ride on and the 5 star accommodation that you guys provided me. You may think that i'm exaggerating, but to me that's exactly what it was in my heart and it was more than sufficient. 

Thank you for being patient with me, i know you guys wake up really late every day, but just to accommodate me, wake up early to go traveling. The funniest thing? The both of you prefer to stay at home over traveling, yet the both of you endured almost the whole day out traveling in the cold with me lol. Lastly, thank you for accompanying me, sacrificing your time, visiting places you've already visited with ur respective families and friends. It must have been really boring for you.  Oh and also being patient with me when I got lost in the airport (Teck) and lost in the city leading (Hen) to walk extra miles. *i was testing you to see if you know where you are!*

The both of you, knowing that I have a budget, refuse to accept my money to pay for what I should be paying for. *please let me pay or I'll chop your kukubird!* I'm sorry if I made you a bankrupt :( Thank you for that kind gesture.

Thank you for the fun times we had playing Monopoly deal and just hanging around in the room after a long day's trip. I really enjoyed those moments, watching TV and YouTube on TV like woot?! Great times :) *snatching blankets ahem!* 

There's nothing more unique than the friendship that these 2 guys share. Never a dull moment when you're with them. From baseless conversations to inside jokes that they play on strangers who approached us on the streets.. Epic face palm moments, but that is also what made them special. Why so serious right?! Good friends who serve each other, but while serving are actually serving each other to a dose of suffering; offering to belanja the other party chicken wings, but to the spiciest chicken wings ever known to mankind... Belanja-ing to see the other suffer...You don't see this kind of interaction everyday lol. Driving each other up the wall, yet still accommodating and kind to each other. LOL I love the sentence "if I was Hen Yu would you do it for me?" *inside joke heh heh heh*

I'm sorry if I mafan u guys, fetching me to and fro from the airport, my sudden extended stay, and well...basically bringing me around, bringing ur daily activities to a halt. I really had fun, and am suffering from withdrawal symptoms from the trip. It is that kind of bond you get only from going on a trip together and staying together :/ but oh well, you're right Hen Yu, it's back to reality. 

Okays, so you might think I'm faking it all saying all these things, but well, I can't change what you think, all I can say is whatever I said above is true and hopefully u can feel my sincerity.

Till we meet again :) and hopefully by then I would be able to repay what you guys have done for me.